Baby Logic

Being a parent is an interesting job. It can be an intense job, too, especialy the first few years. There are some things about the early development that are not widely understood.

Scientists tried for years to find out why some children were smarter than others. It is the Nature versus Nurture debate. They could see that there was more difference than could be easily explained by genetics. They found it. Children were smarter if their mothers talked to them. Read this link. Watch mothers at a store with kids in the cart, and notice the difference. Some mothers will not talk or even respond to their child. Others play and talk about what they are doing.

Children feel powerless. They are told what to do all day. You would not like it. You can make life seem more pleasant by giving them some control over things that are not critical. You can say, "It is time for bed." and get an argument. But if you immediatly give them a choice of books to read, they have some control again. It helps.

When it is time to leave some fun activity, give them a warning, like 5 more times o the slide, or 5 more minutes, and then maybe a choice, like "Should we go to the grocery store first, or the drugstore?"

When you tell a young child "If you don't do this, you will get in trouble!", they will think, "I am going to do it, so I will be in trouble." They will cry. The problem is that they can't deduce the inverse of the statement: "If I do this, I won't get in trouble." The solution is simple. Say "You can either do this or you can be in trouble." Even better, say, "You can either get in trouble or you can do this." (For some reason they usualy prefer the second choice.) The difference is subtle to us. It is "A or B", rather than "If A then B, and the deduced If not A then not B". Two year old children have literally been beaten to death over this by parents who wanted to make their child behave.

When a baby learns to walk, who teaches him? Nobody is surprised that they learn it on their own. There is an instinctive progression of behaviors that leads them to walking. They pull up, they stand on thir toes to build foot and leg muscles, they cruise (walk while holding on to things) then they walk. So why do people think they can toilet train a baby? If you watch them they reach a point where they know they are about to "go", and then it is time. Before that, there is no point because it is not ssomething they can control. It can take about a week to get them into the habit, and then there will be accidents. They have very little warning, and not much control. Don't be mad, be prepared with a spare set of clothes in the car.